He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
