just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
