WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
