too bad you live with your parents still
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
