I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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