Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need water and some morals
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
