I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
