I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
