his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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