She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
