No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
