Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
