I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
