he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
