Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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