It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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