You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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