State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I love you.
Bad choice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
