well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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