I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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