I want to have your abortion
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
