I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
