last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
