Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
