he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
