then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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