: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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