I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
COCAINE IS GR8
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
