Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
