i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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