Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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