We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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