white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
