dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The ass gains better be worth it
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