And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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