Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
