Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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