I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
