Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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