My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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