I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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