i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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