a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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