could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
