I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
