Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize