420 ftw
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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