He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
