Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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