my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
