I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
