Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
