Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
