The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
