I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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