So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
