don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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