You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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