It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
