Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
