also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
