i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
