worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
