i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
