I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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