let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
