the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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