yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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